As a service dog handler for 25 and a half years, I have had hundreds of experiences of being refused service – but online threats and increasing hostility towards disabled people are making me give up publicly asking for equality and respect.

The last straw came about a week ago. I was already reeling from a number of rejections from restaurants and shops when I was again refused entry because I have a guide dog.

I visited the restaurant, which I have chosen not to name, but was told I could not enter because people might have allergies. This is also illegal.

They later changed their reason – saying they simply didn’t have the space.

It’s hard to describe how this feels.

I don’t think you can understand it unless you know what it’s like to face daily discrimination.

I compare the feeling with December 2022 then I was briefly robbed of my smartphone near the BBC building in central London.

Unlike street robbery, rejections are rarely violent or physical, but the gut feeling is identical.

I argue that rejection feels worse – because at least I can understand the robbers’ motivation.

I’ve never understood why, when everyone on the planet is an accident or medical condition away from a disability, many people seem to lack empathy and don’t try to understand what it must feel like to be denied service because of a disability.

After failing to politely persuade the diners that my guide dog was well-behaved and then repeating that it is illegal to refuse entry, a customer who overheard me expressed his disgust at the restaurant’s attitude.

I invited people who witnessed the refusal to leave a review. However, two voices from another table said I had “ruined their meal” and “you should leave”.

I felt as small as a gnome.

My guide dog journey began in 1998, when I first applied to train with one. I had poor partial vision until the year before when, at the age of 14, I became completely blind.

I have a number of eye conditions, but the primary diagnosis is glaucoma and high blood pressure, which has left me completely blind.

Simply put, leaving my house is hard. Very tiring hard.

I have had the privilege of working with four wonderful guides – Brandy, Chipp, Sammy and now Shawn.

They have been my life, my freedom and independence.

All that feels spoiled when I’m denied service.

At the restaurant, more customers expressed their shock at how I was treated. But for me, the customers who seemed annoyed brought echoes in my mind of every occasion I’ve shared refusals on social media over the past eight years.

There I have been faced with constant demands to justify why I would want equal treatment and, more worryingly, threats of violence and even death.

Two years ago I was denied access to various branches of Tesco in London.

Tesco apologized and promised further training for staff.

The meetings were captured on a privately owned body camera. Many people were supportive but a large number were very abusive and aggressive.

I have been abused on many social media platforms. Recently a user, who identified himself as a retired police officer, posted pictures of “victim cards” which ironically I couldn’t appreciate until a sighted colleague described it to me.

His account was later suspended – but the post wasn’t removed when I reported it.

Other users have asked why I am sharing my denial of service experience. I would answer as many questions as possible and explain that it was simply lighting a torch in a dark corner.

On other occasions, social media users have threatened to beat me up, kill my guide dog and told me to “be careful”. One user said my mother should be raped.

Often the most vile abuse comes in the replies to long threads, where the discourse seems to get out of hand.

Why would I continue to put myself through this?

In England, Wales and Scotland, the Equality Act 2010 makes it illegal to discriminate against a disabled person because they have a guide dog with them when they go to businesses or services.

In Northern Ireland the same thing applies but the legislation is called the Disability Discrimination Act 1995.

However, there is a major anomaly in the law. When cabs and taxis fail or refuse to carry an assistance dog, or try to charge more, it is punishable.

When businesses and stores do the same, it’s a civil matter and it’s up to the individual disabled person to gather evidence and pursue them. It’s costly, energy-intensive, and mostly not worth doing.

Bringing up the incidents on social media feels painful when it means being threatened.

So I have had to accept that there is very little I can do in practice.

Seeing is easy.

What seems more difficult for some, however, is trying to understand how it feels to be excluded from business when you can’t.

In Touch – Guide Dogs Q&A

Peter White is joined on Radio 4 by Pete Osborne, chief operating officer at the charity Guide Dogs, to answer questions from listeners. Many have asked how the organization works in terms of waiting lists, training methods and eligibility for new and replacement guides.