WARNING: This article may affect those who have experienced sexual violence or know someone who has.

Cat Bodden, who was sexually abused by a family member as a child, never thought she would be working with convicted sex offenders.

But that’s what she’s been doing for the better part of a decade, trying to understand the mind of a pedophile.

“I had questions that I wanted to ask perpetrators. I had questions that I needed to understand why this happened. That’s where I was in my healing journey 10 years ago,” she told CBC Radio’s Ideas.

In 2017, Bodden met a convicted sex offender who the CBC has agreed to call Stan.

Stan participated in a program at Community Justice Initiatives (CJI), a restorative justice organization in Kitchener, Ont., aimed at supporting convicted sex offenders so they don’t reoffend once they get out of prison.

(CBC agreed to use a pseudonym for Stan for three reasons: the pain that naming him could have on its victims; the possibility that his family could be targeted; and the potential damage Stan himself could be caused if his name were made public.)

Bodden, 63, says she began volunteering at CJI in 2013 because she felt that talking to perpetrators could offer answers — and healing — that she couldn’t find anywhere else. Her own perpetrator is dead.

Stan’s reason for being on CJI was simply to stop himself from doing it again. In 2016, he pleaded guilty to seven sex-related charges involving five minors and was sentenced to 29 months in prison. After the initial charges were filed, another victim came forward with a complaint from the same time period, for which Stan was also convicted and given probation.

“I wish I sought help sooner. When things came to light… meaning the damage I caused stopped, those were the best days of my life,” he said. “And I hope for years to come that I don’t hurt anyone again.”

Child sexual abuse can be prevented. It is not inevitable.– Dr. Allyn Walker

Since they first met, Bodden and Stan have volunteered for a new CJI program launching in 2022. In it, they sit as surrogates and share their lived experiences as survivors and perpetrators to answer questions and help CJI clients to heal from their own traumas.

“So if the participant is a survivor, they can talk to someone who has caused harm. If they are someone who has caused harm, they can talk to a survivor,” said Jenn Beaudin, the program’s coordinator when Ideas visited CJI in early 2024.

It is one of a growing number of programs that focus on preventing child sexual abuse. Along the way, it helps foster meaningful conversations about a type of crime that many in society consider unforgivable.

Distinguishing pedophilia from sex crimes

In 2021, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) in Toronto launched Talking for Change, a federally funded initiative that offers assessment, psychotherapy and a helpline for people who want to address or control their attraction to minors.

The 16- to 20-week program based in Toronto offers therapy with social workers or group therapy. The phone helpline is anonymous and is offered in Atlantic Canada, Ontario, Quebec and Nunavut for people 18 years of age or older.

“Usually we’re the first people they’ve ever told. They feel like monsters. They feel like no one would understand,” said Dr. Ainslie Heasman, a psychologist at CAMH who developed the program.

The idea of ​​stopping potential sex offenders before they cause harm flies in the face of conventional thinking that the only way to deal with child sexual abuse is to punish an offender after the fact, says Dr. Allyn Walker, Assistant Professor in the Department of Criminology at Saint Mary’s University in Halifax.

“Child sexual abuse is preventable. It’s not inevitable,” says Walker.

Get help before you commit the crime. People may find it hard for me to say that.– Cat Bodden

An important part of prevention is understanding that while “pedophile” and “sex offender” are related terms, they do not mean the same thing, Heasman says.

“Pedophilia is specifically a sexual attraction or sexual preference for prepubertal children,” says Heasman.

Some pedophiles do not want to harm minors and never act on their attractions, she said. Also, not all people who sexually harm children are pedophiles.

In his 2008 book Pedophilia and sexual abuse of childrenCanadian psychologist Michael Seto wrote that approximately 40 to 50 percent of people who commit sex crimes against minors are not sexually attracted to them. Heasman said factors such as impulsivity, drug use, antisocial tendencies or loneliness could explain some of the crimes.

What’s more, says Walker, between 50 and 70 percent of sexual crimes against prepubertal children are committed by minors — With a maximum age for criminals is 14. This is often due to a lack of education about sexual behavior and consent for young people.

In 2021, Walker, who is transgender and a former counselor for sexual assault victims, published A Long, Dark Shadow: Less Attracted People and Their Quest for Dignity. For the book, Walker interviewed 42 adult pedophiles who had never molested a minor and who did their best to restrain their urges.

“I found out that they wanted to be able to protect children. They wanted to make responsible choices,” Walker said. “They wanted to be good people.”

The book received widespread attention in the US conservative commentator Tucker Carlson mocked Walker on Fox News, while comedian Colin Jost joked about the book on Saturday Night Live.

That led to personal attacks on social media accusing Walker of advocating sexual assault, often zeroing in on their trans identity.

“There were a lot of transphobic messages… They were, you know, writing about me having a gay or trans agenda,” Walker said. “They also threatened children in my family, which was quite terrifying.”

Mandatory reporting laws

Canada, like most countries, has laws that require anyone who suspects that a person is sexually harming or may harm a child to report these concerns to child protective services. That includes if the person has sexually harmed a child in the past.

Heasman says these mandatory reporting laws — specifically their requirement to report past crimes against children — have had an unintended consequence: They can prevent pedophiles from seeking help.

“It can paradoxically and unfortunately further drive individuals underground, promote secrecy and (a) feel that they are completely alone and have no one to talk to, and therefore not reach out for the help they would need,” she said .

Mandatory reporting laws are one reason Stan never sought help until after he was arrested.

“I couldn’t go to my doctor, because the doctor would have to report it,” Stan said. “I don’t want to go to jail.”

Germany is a country that has taken a different approach.

“According to German law, it is considered a breach of confidentiality for the treating therapist if he were to report anything to the police about committed sexual abuse of children in the past,” says Dr. Klaus Beier, sexologist in Berlin.

Beier is the driving force behind a prevention program called Dunkelfeld, which translates to “dark field” — in other words, “all these cases that are not known to the legal authorities,” he said.

It had to overcome considerable public skepticism when it was introduced in 2005, but Dunkelfeld has since expanded to 12 branches across Germany.

Beier calls mandatory reporting laws like those in Canada “a mistake” when it comes to stopping future sexual assaults.

“Obviously, it’s very much driven by emotional thinking, and it’s hard to face those issues,” he said. “I know that very, very well, but from a prevention perspective, it’s really wrong.”

Why help ex-offenders at all?

Stan knows that many people would never support helping a pedophile, especially one who has confessed to past crimes.

“I understand that. I don’t agree with that,” he said. “One day the person will get out of jail. I deserved to be punished. (After that) you work with people who can help you control your mind.”

“I hope the day I die someone says ‘there’s a recovered sex offender’ at my funeral,” Stan said, holding back tears. “That’s what I hope for.”

Bodden says she’s not against sending sex offenders to prison, but doesn’t think prison alone will solve the problem.

“Get help before you commit the crime. People might find it hard for me to say that,” she said.

“I don’t want anyone to go through this experience that I went through, and if (the way to) solve the problem is to get help before the offense happens, let’s do it that way.”