Dear Lisi: My marriage of 60 years has ‘devolved’ into a sexless marriage for the past five years as my wife has continued to ‘distancing’. This is her prolonged punishment for my womanizing earlier in the marriage, some 15 or 20 years ago; and her own physical state of intercourse which she has not revealed to me; and her lack of sexual desire or low libido.

These are my best guesses. Her bullying and anger make me stressed often. I have lived with her in this dysfunctional arrangement so I would not be estranged from my one adult son who is very close to his mother, my wife.

In the mid-80s, I am seriously considering ending this marriage. My wife has refused to go to counseling. We are both financially solvent and have kept our finances separate throughout our marriage. We have always shared expenses equally until two months ago when my wife refused to share a major landscaping expense at our family home.

What other options, if any, do I have? It’s very late in the day to divorce, but I could do it.

Desperate and alone

I understand your desperation and your loneliness, which has neither an expiration date nor a sell-by date. Age and stage are irrelevant. If you’re unhappy, you’re unhappy.

I would make another attempt to get your wife into counseling. Without threatening her, let her know that you are unhappy to the point of walking away and that you can’t see yourself continuing without counseling. If she still refuses, then you have your answer.

If she agrees, discuss a time frame with the counselor. From both a psychological and financial point of view, there needs to be a limit to counseling if you don’t feel like it’s making you stay together. If it helps your marriage, then it’s worth the time and expense.

I’m curious as to why she refused to share the cost of the landscaping….

As for your son…. He is now a grown man, assuming he also lives on his own. He doesn’t have to “take sides” if you divorce. You can easily continue your relationship with him (and his family, if he has one) without your wife.

60Dear Lisi: I think Donald Trump was the right candidate to win the US election. The person I share my desk with at work disagrees. She feels bad about the result and believes that Kamala Harris was the right person for the job.

In almost every other aspect of life, we are in sync. We are from the same financial background, same culture, grew up very similar. We both have boyfriends the same age (slightly older than us) and agree on most topics when it comes to relationships.

We dress the same, like the same movies, and could chat all day if we didn’t actually have work to do. But on this subject we are equally opposed to the North and South Poles.

How can we continue our happy work-life balance and friendships outside of work with this huge gap between us?

Politically opposed

Unfortunately, politics can really tear people apart. You two are young and have many choices ahead of you. Not only that, but as you grow, your ideas change and your political views may change.

Agree to disagree on politics, put those differences aside and get down to business. Focus on what you agree on and stay on that path.

Reader’s comment regarding the wretched man (September 25):

“It’s not the worst and he will live his life normally once he gets over the shock. Happened to me about 15 years ago. Still no hearing in one ear. But no effect on my work, on things I do for fun (hiking, biking, softball, golf) Wife and kids learned to always get on my “good side” and not whisper in my bad ear.

“Strangers usually don’t need to be told, you can function normally in most social situations (shops, offices, restaurants, movies, driving, etc.). I can honestly say that you get used to the tinnitus and turn it off (especially when you are busy). Now I have a good excuse to avoid cocktail parties, which I never liked. And my wife’s snoring doesn’t keep me up at night anymore!! I just turn around to block out sound in my good ear.”

Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist for the Star based in Toronto. Email your relationship questions to: (email protected).