DEAR MISS MANIER: My wife and I are hosting an annual holiday dinner for a group of neighbors, one of whom has asked in the past if he could bring a guest. My wife, on our behalf, has always said yes.

Unfortunately, the guest is usually the neighbor’s on-again/off-again boyfriend, who is best described as obnoxious. During dinner, our neighbor often smiles condescendingly at his plus-one and winks at the rest of us. Yuk.

This neighbor accepted the invitation to dinner this year. My wife says the polite thing for her to do is anticipate his request by telling him he can bring a guest. I say we keep quiet to see if he asks.

Will the rules of etiquette come down to my wife’s side?

DEAR READER: They don’t — until the boyfriend becomes a man, a neighbor, or both. Waiting for the neighbor to ask for a second invitation is both reasonable and permissible.

Should the boyfriend indeed be promoted, Miss Manners hopes that it will at least make it less likely that the now-husband will abuse you or one of your other guests: It would strengthen his position to the point where he might begin to object to the smile and condescension. by their partner. But one problem at a time.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We received an online invitation to my relative’s 70th birthday: a surprise dinner and music at a nice restaurant. Included in the invitation is a “suggested donation amount” of $50, with the donation going to a vacation fund.

If that wasn’t weird enough (these relatives are well off) they also suggested that if we’re “feeling generous” we can add an 18% tip. A tip for what?

This feels a bit like a shakedown.

MUCH READER: Just a little?

Please send your questions to Miss Manners on her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or by mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.